Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
