I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
