We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
