Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
