i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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