A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
