I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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