if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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