Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
