My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
