not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
