Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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