This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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