in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
