actually, I'm a sock model
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
