I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
