I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
