I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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