I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
