TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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