You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
