dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
