I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
