It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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