So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
