Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
