i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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