Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
