you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
