bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
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