you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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