You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
