chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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