So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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