The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
