So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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