I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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