I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
