tell your sister to shave her snatch
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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