Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
