i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
