I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
