I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
What a dumb baby whore.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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