Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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