Me too!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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