Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
