What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i think im in europe. pls send help
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
