Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
