I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
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What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
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Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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