i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
