I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
