FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
