You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
