I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
