how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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