4 words: hood of his car
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
