those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
