My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
