she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
