i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
