Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
