Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Im part way to drunk.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
