You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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