i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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