eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
