Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
