So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
