drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I supernannyed him into submission
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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