I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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