I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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