This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
