It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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