I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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