I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
