Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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