I'm pants shitting drunk right now
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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