You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
